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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.There is a big difference between a person occasionally viewing pornography with the knowledge and even involvement of their partner to a full-blown betrayal and using adult websites to start affairs with other people.Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.

Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.Whether you're a first time visitor or a chat room veteran, we look forward to getting to know you. Our chat rooms and message boards are moderated by our team of Chat Guides and Forum Hosts.We are one of the oldest online communities and are committed to giving you the best experience possible. You can contact us at any time through our contact form.

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