Online dating sites for freaks

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At some point, all the people who were perfectly capable of meeting people during their busy social lives and active sporting activities and year-round globe-trotting, decided they just couldn’t be arsed anymore. I’ve never come across anyone, in my year of recent online dating, who says “you know what, I don’t really travel or go out much, I’m actually not that sociable, and – you know – that’s, well, that’s kind of why I’m here.” THAT’S WHO ONLINE DATING’S FOR! Online dating was invented for those who struggled to meet people in real life, weren’t shiny and good-looking and fashionable, lacked some inter-personal skills, didn’t go out to bars, in fact barely left the house and could only meet new people using the internet and computers. But something has happened, it’s become mainstream. You spend all your time in bars meeting new people with your friends? Leave online dating for the freaks like me who HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.I come across as some kind of weirdo because nowhere on my profile does it say “I’ve been to 60 countries and want to make it to 100 before the end of the year”.There are no photos of me riding elephants, kissing tigers, participating in flashmobs or playing the flute on the international space station.Millennials are a strange breed: We want what we want when we want it, but what we want tends to be very specific, and, if the 10 zillion sleek startups out there are any proof, it has to be glossy, user-friendly and full of clean lines.So, then, what are the best dating apps for millennials, who have embraced dating online the way most of us embrace a slice of pizza after a long day's work?It did not work, and suddenly my lack of dates was causing disappointment for two people.I admit, to be fair on e Harmony, I did come very close to a date at one point.

“I love travelling”, “I love meeting new people” “I love socialising in bars” “I love the outdoors”, “Here’s some pictures of me with my tonnes of friends”. I now stand out for not being well-travelled, popular and cool enough.

But I guess I can’t really complain; for that bargain £120 I got to look at pictures of fully clothed women on the internet – unlimited times for no extra cost.

And I’m not trying to make out that I got no attention at all. One of whom bore a striking resemblance to Philip Seymour Hoffman – so much so that I genuinely thought that perhaps Hoffman had faked his own death and was now living a new life under the name Shirley from Dagenham. This was going to be the beginnings of one of these celebrity partnerships, where I’d become an internationally famous comedian and my partner, in business and pleasure (oo-er) would be the driving force behind my success.

And it’s getting worse, the dating sites are organising meet-up events in bars.

“Hey come and chill out with single people like you, and have cocktails and flirt.” If us freaks could do that we wouldn’t be looking for dates on the fucking internet! The internet was supposed to be a haven for normal life’s rejects.

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